Recapturing Beauty Day 6: No Fat Talk

Refrain from talk about weight or shape, of self or others. Be aware of how often you compare yourself to others. How does it make you feel?

Wow. I didn't realize how MUCH we always talk about weight, shape, appearance. It has really blown my mind. I thought about it most of the day, and it is ALWAYS there. I'm floored. stunned. Now, not all of it was comparative or negative. A few times, it was to point out a person in a group. But really, we always pick out a defining physical appearance trait to describe a person.

"Your new visiting teacher; she's that one tiny girl over there, dark hair, pulled back."
"She's super tall, very skinny, blonde hair."
"She's a ... bigger woman. Over there, holding a baby."

I was at a Relief Society luncheon, and the question going around the table was "What did you think of your husband the first time you saw him? Was it love at first sight?" It was tough to get around that one!

Or the hardest one. Talking about babies! Man, talking about babies is one big weight and shape conference. Everything is about how much the baby weighs, how long (s)he is, comparing one baby to another. And I'm just as guilty as the next person. Goodness, my facebook status right now is my munchkin's weight and height stats at her 6 month checkup. Are we mommy's obsessed, or what? I found myself telling my husbands about babies that I see at the library, and it's always something like, "That baby was huge! 4 months old and wearing 9-12 month size clothes!" or even my own munchkin. her nickname is even a product of her size-- she's tiny. 5th %itle. I can't help but think that our obsession with weight, shape, and size are all instill in us from the moment we are born, and reinforced our entire lives. The first thing a person asks after a baby is born is "how much did (s)he weigh?" ok, maybe not the first. it might come after "is it a boy or girl?" and "what's his/her name?" but the point is, form birth, we start labeling people based on their weight/size/shape.

I can see it happening already to naomi. she's going to be a healthy, happy, prehaps small girl growing up. then she's going to hit puberty and start gaining weight in awkward places, and she'll likely hit puberty sooner than other girls like her mommy did. it'll start with a parent or grandparent, or well meaning dr.,or a number of other people who will remark on how she's gotten so big. she's putting on a little pudge. she needs to exercise more, she needs to eat less or more healthy, she needs to diet. she needs to get out of the house and play so she stops gaining weight. that's right. i said "stops gaining weight." as she gets older, she'll get more curves. with her genetic donation from me, and her daddy, she'll have a larger body structure, fuller hips, a larger chest, and that number on the scale will never be low enough.

how do i know this? because it's what happened to me.
one summer, i remember being a happy, healthy 8 year old girl. i asked grandma for some oreos after school. mom usually gave me 4, but grandma gave me 2. i asked for more. and she said no, because i was gaining weight. she said i ate too many snacks and didn't exercise enough, and that's why i was gaining weight. NOT that I needed a training bra because I hit puberty early. NOT that she just thought 2 cookies was enough and it was bad for my teeth. but because i was simply gaining weight.

the next summer, we went to a swimming place, one with water slides and a lazy river thing. I only had a 2 piece bathing suit. grandma told me i shouldn't wear a 2 piece because I was "too big" to wear one and had gained too much weight to wear one. NOT because it's immodest and i should respect my *beautiful* body by being modest, but because I heard I was too fat to look good in one.

the countless times that people compared me to my younger sister, who was still a happy, healthy, skinny child while i was hitting puberty and gaining weight on my thighs and butt, and needed a bra. "why cant you get out and exercise? your sister isn't gaining weight."

all though high school, if I'd forgotten to do a chore and was watching a tv show, or if I ate more than was proper, I'd be told that if i ate any more I'd get bigger than a house and not be able to walk through the front door. it didn't matter that the only food in house was fast food, hostess and little debbie cakes, ice cream, soda pop, hot dogs, burgers, pizza. that there were no fresh veggies or fruits. it didnt matter that i'd be called ungrateful if i didn'teat what was at home and be forced to eat it in front of the family. it didn't matter that i tried after countless meals to throw up, wished i could, but could never successfully make myself gag. it didnt matter that i would give away most of my lunch at school, that i would work out after school for 2 hrs and go to so many after school activities that i wouldn't have time to eat. "if you keep eating like that you'll get so fat you won't be able to get out of bed in the morning; is that what you want?" but all i heard was "if you keep eating you'll keep getting fat."

and it's taken me until now to understand what happened. how damaging talking about weight and size and shape to our children can be. some girls never realize that it's just because they hit puberty early. that their bodies are changing, but they are still beautiful. how many lives could we have saved from eating disorders if we had told our daughters, sisters, etc that they are beautiful while their bodies are changing? if the center olf nearly every conversation didnt revolve around what we look like? i plan on telling my daughter everyday, how beautiful she is. because she is my daughter. because she is a daughter of a Heavenly Father, who loves her perfectly. even when we need to go bra shopping for the first time (which i know will be sooner than i want it to be). even when she's frustrated that her pants don't fit "right", or the way they used to. because she IS BEAUTIFUL.

well, this became something i wasn't expecting... i'm trying to be beautiful.