I've been having this "dream" lately, and have felt like I should share it. The interpretation of which has been deep and rich and personal (so I hope you will understand my keeping it personal), but perhaps this dream is meant to be shared with some of you...
I am standing in a white emptiness, right before me water is slowing dripping, like from a badly leaking faucet, the source of the water I cannot see.
In my hand I am holding a little dixie cup. I put my arm out before me to start catching the water, and soon, my little paper dixie cup is full. I bring the cup back to myself and drink. It is clear and clean and delicious pure water. I am thirsty and desire more.
I put my cup out again, and the water is beginning to come down more readily, like the tap has been turned on at a moderate size. I barely notice that I must now fully extend my arm to reach the water flow. My cup, now a small teacup, is filled quickly to overflowing and as the water starts splashing out, I pull the cup back to myself and drink quickly.
The water is coming down more quickly, like a kitchen sink tap opened fully. I reach my teacup forward, but the water is coming down heavily. Most of it splashes out of my teacup. It gets my hand wet, my shirt, I pull my cup back. It isn't full, and I've gotten wet, but I drink it anyway, and try again to receive more water. I am no more successful that the previous attempt. Water is splashing everywhere and my cup cannot hold the water. There is so much, and yet, I can hardly collect any with my cup that I keep stretching out and trying to keep, but it never fills my cup.
I realize, I need a larger glass. And I look, now I am holding a large dinner glass. I fill it almost to the rim when it begins to overflow before pulling it back to myself. I begin to drink, slowly and casually, watching the water begin to come down more forcefully, like out of a water hose a few steps out from before me, I am content to drink my larger glass of water, until I recognize it is almost empty.
I must walk forward a few paces to collect more water in my cup. It is again difficult to fill the cup due to the force and abundance of water pouring down. I don't fill the cup fully. I'm scared of dropping the cup. I'm scared of getting wet. I'm scared of spilling the water.
I am standing alone holding my cup that is beginning to crack. I look up again and see water gushing down as out of a fire-hose just a few more paces ahead of me. And far in the distance, I can just make out a waterfall and a large expanse of great water.
Also, a personal note, when I had this dream, I was diffusing Sandalwood essential oil. If you would like to know more about Sandalwood, or essential oils, check out my blog that chronicles my experiences using essential oils at eolearning.blogspot.com.
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
to remember
I've been making the effort to wake up early and workout the past week and a half. It has made a huge difference in my attitude throughout the day. For example, while trying to clean the kitchen today, my daughters ransacked the fridge and destroyed the dining room. While trying to sort dirty laundry and put a load in the washer, the children threw all the clean laundry on the floor. And instead of getting angry, I took a minute to breathe, pray, and either find a way for them to help our distract them. I was also more receptive to inspiration/revelation that perhaps my kids are making the mess to get my attention because I've been focusing on cleaning and helping Brad Neeley (healing from foot surgery), and not on paying with them. I'm feeling overwhelmed with everything that needs to be done, but instead of feeling depressed and defeated, I know I can do it. Thank you, heavenly Father!
This isn't much of a blog post, I know. But a few friends have noticed that I haven't posted much lately, so I'm trying, but my posts are more like a quick thought while I'm feeding the baby. This was what I wanted to remember today in case I ever need to remember why an early morning workout is so important to me.
This isn't much of a blog post, I know. But a few friends have noticed that I haven't posted much lately, so I'm trying, but my posts are more like a quick thought while I'm feeding the baby. This was what I wanted to remember today in case I ever need to remember why an early morning workout is so important to me.
Monday, May 5, 2014
Books I've Read Lately
Year of Learning Dangerously (Quinn Cummings)
Unschooling Handbook (Mary Griffith)
Homeschooling Handbook (Mary Griffith)
Real Life Homeschooling: Stories of 21 Families Making It Work (Rhonda Barfield)
Dumbing Us Down: the hidden curriculum of compulsory schooling (John Taylor Gatto)
How Children Learn (John Holt)
Divergent (Veronica Roth) *audiobook
Alligent (Veronica Roth) *audiobook, unfinished
The Ultimate Guide to Homeschooling (Debra Bell) *unfinished
Moon Over Manifest (Clare Vanderpoole) *unfinished
The Hurried Child (David Elkind) *in progress
A Different Kind of Teacher: Solving the Crisis of American Education (John Taylor Gatto) *in progress
Story of the World, Volume 1 Ancient Times (Susan Wise Bauer) *audiobook, in progress
I might be a homeschool nerd? Can you tell? I need some more non-fiction on this list!
What are you reading?
Unschooling Handbook (Mary Griffith)
Homeschooling Handbook (Mary Griffith)
Real Life Homeschooling: Stories of 21 Families Making It Work (Rhonda Barfield)
Dumbing Us Down: the hidden curriculum of compulsory schooling (John Taylor Gatto)
How Children Learn (John Holt)
Divergent (Veronica Roth) *audiobook
Alligent (Veronica Roth) *audiobook, unfinished
The Ultimate Guide to Homeschooling (Debra Bell) *unfinished
Moon Over Manifest (Clare Vanderpoole) *unfinished
The Hurried Child (David Elkind) *in progress
A Different Kind of Teacher: Solving the Crisis of American Education (John Taylor Gatto) *in progress
Story of the World, Volume 1 Ancient Times (Susan Wise Bauer) *audiobook, in progress
I might be a homeschool nerd? Can you tell? I need some more non-fiction on this list!
What are you reading?
Update on Life
Samson is a happy baby.
Ruthe is obsessed with minions from Dispicable Me. All minions known as "Bob." She's talking more, but leaves off the first syllable of most words, and invents many of her own. some words are unmistakigly and perfectly enunciated, such as "yes" and "NO!" See translation guide below:
olo = water
oso = cereal
ik = milk
olor = i want to color a picture, give me crayons, etc.
ore = more
eese/peese = please
"ore oso peese" = more cereal please
tih = vitamin
ishy or ish-ish = fish
air = prayer
Naomi is my big girl 4 year old. Man how time flies!
Ruthe is obsessed with minions from Dispicable Me. All minions known as "Bob." She's talking more, but leaves off the first syllable of most words, and invents many of her own. some words are unmistakigly and perfectly enunciated, such as "yes" and "NO!" See translation guide below:
olo = water
oso = cereal
ik = milk
olor = i want to color a picture, give me crayons, etc.
ore = more
eese/peese = please
"ore oso peese" = more cereal please
tih = vitamin
ishy or ish-ish = fish
air = prayer
Naomi is my big girl 4 year old. Man how time flies!
Wednesday, January 8, 2014
Fast and Furious: The Birth Story of Samson Alexander
Our little man made a surprising and FAST entry into the world! The short story goes something like this: I woke up shortly after 4am having contractions, before waking Brad at 4:45am. He packed the bags frantically, called friends to watch our girls, and got everything in the car by 6am when I informed him that I thought it was time to push. We sped to the nearest hospital ER, was raced to labor and delivery, and was holding my beautiful baby boy by 6:30am. yeah... it was that fast.
Many have commented on how "easy" and "nice" it must have been to have such a short labor. And if 2 1/2 hours of intense labor is "nice," then I guess they are right. I gotta admit though, I've really had to spend some quality time contemplating this birth experience to find peace. When I try to tell the story with details, I still notice my heart starts racing, my breathing becomes rapid, I feel tense and anxious. So it's taking me some time to actually want to write the story. At the same time, I'm sure doing so will help.
I'll preface this with-- baby Samson and I are both doing well. As far as all things physically concerned, we are perfectly healthy and the delivery, while exciting (?), was actually smooth and perfect. No complications.
Brad and I had been praying and trying every old wives tale we knew to encourage our little boy (who was officially due Jan 9) to come in December. The biggest reasons were so Brad would be on holiday vacation from work and could stay home for a few days to help out without using all his vacation days at the beginning of the year, Brad's mom would be on winter break (she's a teacher) and could help out, we had already met our high deductible for insurance for 2013, etc. The hospital and my OB wouldn't consider an induction for those reasons before Jan 2, and I really hate pitocin and didn't want to be medically induced anyway. I had been taking evening primrose oil and drinking mother's milk tea for a couple weeks. At my 38 week appointment (Friday. Dec 27), the OB checked me and informed me I was 3 cm and 50% effaced. This was disheartening because I was that far along with my previous 2 girls at 37 weeks, and they were born 1 day late (being induced) and 1 day early (spontaneous). I was pretty convinced my little boy would be born after his due date at this point. I may have cried on my way home from my appointment that day, but by the time I got home had prayed and felt peace about the situation. Everything would work out, even if I didn't know HOW. We went to Brad's family's that evening for his cousin's wedding reception and 10 year high school reunion and had fun.
Saturday, Dec 28 we came back home and worked on cleaning the house from Christmas and making our list of things to finish before Samson was born, and sorting baby clothes we'd received from friends. that evening we decided that I would try castor oil. I had spent HOURS researching it, asking friends, reading personal stories of those who had tried it and contemplating the pros/cons. I had decided that I wouldn't even try it if I wasn't already AT LEAST 3cm and 50% effaced (funny, that's exactly what I was...); my body had to be already preparing and ready for labor to consider taking it. And I even mentally prepared myself for what many people said castor oil does-- cleans you out. a lot. I took 1 1/2 Tbsp at 3pm on Saturday, Dec 28. And waited for my date with the bathroom... and waited... and waited. Took a relaxing bath... By 12:30am, I went to bed with nothing happening.
Sunday, Dec 29 I woke up to get ready for church and thought I was having contractions. Brad recommended I time them, even though I told him they didn't feel strong, consistant, or regular, and I had no other signs of labor starting (this may be TMI for some... no loss of mucus plug, no bloody show, no water breaking, etc.). They were coming roughly 8-6 minutes apart. So we went to church and decided that if they got closer, stronger, or I had any other signs of labor, I'd call the dr. At church, if I was up and walking contractions were every 6 minutes; if I was sitting they could vary between 12-24 minutes. And they were seriously mild. Half the time I sat there wondering if I was having a contraction, or if I just had gas. A couple were stronger and distracted me (while conducting music in Primary I'd have to stop singing but I could keep conducting... the kids didn't notice, but one of the teachers did). We went home and I tried climbing stairs for a while-- contractions got to be 4 minutes apart, and then just got tired and decided to take a nap around 4pm. When I woke up, all contractions had stopped and nothing could seem to get them started again. Brad and I knew that I'd have to go into labor by the 29th to have a December baby, and well, the day was almost over. After dinner Brad somehow had talked me into trying castor oil again... something along the lines of "it didn't do anything last time so what can it hurt" and "this is the last chance; the worst that could happen is you spend some time on the toilet and don't get a baby, which you had already psyched yourself up for anyway, so what's the difference" and "it could still work... maybe." So at 7:30pm I took 2 Tbsp castor oil and waited for another date with the bathroom. We ate some of our Christmas candy, talked, planned to start our "baby prep" list in the morning. Around midnight I took an hour-long relaxing bath with essential oils. At 1am, it seemed the castor oil decided to do it's job of cleaning out my bowels. Not terrible, not pleasant, just a fact. By 1:30am I was in bed reading and hoping for contractions/waiting to see if I needed a 2nd bathroom date. I fell asleep around 2:30am after a very uneventful hour of reading.
Monday Dec 30 I woke up shortly after 4am. Not unusual... I wake up middle of the night all the time. I felt uncomfortable so I moved around. Got uncomfortable, so I moved some more. After 8-10 minutes of tossing and turning, I get up to go to the bathroom. Come back to bed and think, "are these contractions?" (remember, I'm in a sleep fog after only 1 1/2 hours of sleep...) so i try to time them, but I'm dozing off in between and keep forgetting when I had the last one until they start getting strong and I want Brad to start applying counter pressure to my back. At 4:45am I start trying to wake up Brad to rub my back; he whines about me poking him until I tell him I'm having contractions. He quickly perks up at that point and asks how often. "I don't know... every few minutes, I guess." So he grabs pen and paper to start timing. We realize by 5am that it's every 2 minutes, and they are getting pretty strong. CRUD.
Brad frantically begins throwing together the hospital bag (it had been packed, but we unpacked it on friday for spending the night at his parents' house and planned to repack that day) and a bag for the girls to stay with friends while I had the baby. He wakes the girls while I go potty before we leaving. I notice that I finally lose the mucus plug and have "bloody show" and I think-- "hey, I really might have a baby today... this means it's real labor!" (somehow strong contractions every 2 minutes didn't clue me in??? i must have been tired!) As I stood up, my water broke. (Seriously... how lucky is that?! no mess!) By 6am, everything and the girls are in the car ready to go; I'm laying on the floor of the bedroom crying and wanting Brad with me to support me through contractions but I know he can't. He's busy trying to get us to the hospital.
Brad finds me and we start downstairs to the car, at which point I tell Brad, "I don't think we'll make it to Canton. We need to go to Alliance." He says ok. We were going to drop the girls at a friend's house, but next contraction as we are pulling out of the driveway, I announce, "I think I need to push..." Brad FLOORS the gas and we start speeding to the nearest hospital (about 1.5 miles away) and calming repeating, "don't push! we're almost there." We squeal into the ER bay; Brad runs in yelling, "My wife needs to push!" and a nurse runs out with a wheelchair and rushes me to labor & delivery. The L&D nurses are madly prepping a room as I get wheeled in and they begin reminding me, "don't push, the dr is on his way. try not to push. you're doing great. keep breathing." I started crying and wondering where Brad was and wanting to push and trying not to. I just wanted Brad by my side so badly. One of the nurses let me hold her hand and was really great... but she wasn't Brad, who was about to miss the birth of his son and I felt alone and vulnerable.
Brad runs in 5 minutes later. (After I was whisked away, he parked the car and brought the girls up with him, who were missing their shoes and it was snowing. He left them in the hallway outside my door with a nurse.) He's finally holding my hand and everything seems better, though my body is starting to push and I can't stop it anymore. The dr walks in a couple minutes later, and I'm finally encouraged to push. Samson is born 2 pushes/1 contraction later at 6:30am on Monday, December 30, 2013. He weighed 7 lbs 13 oz, and was 20 inches long. His APGAR scores were 9 both times. A perfectly healthy little boy!
We came home the next evening and I enjoyed New Years Eve snuggling with my little boy at home. :-)
Many have commented on how "easy" and "nice" it must have been to have such a short labor. And if 2 1/2 hours of intense labor is "nice," then I guess they are right. I gotta admit though, I've really had to spend some quality time contemplating this birth experience to find peace. When I try to tell the story with details, I still notice my heart starts racing, my breathing becomes rapid, I feel tense and anxious. So it's taking me some time to actually want to write the story. At the same time, I'm sure doing so will help.
I'll preface this with-- baby Samson and I are both doing well. As far as all things physically concerned, we are perfectly healthy and the delivery, while exciting (?), was actually smooth and perfect. No complications.
Brad and I had been praying and trying every old wives tale we knew to encourage our little boy (who was officially due Jan 9) to come in December. The biggest reasons were so Brad would be on holiday vacation from work and could stay home for a few days to help out without using all his vacation days at the beginning of the year, Brad's mom would be on winter break (she's a teacher) and could help out, we had already met our high deductible for insurance for 2013, etc. The hospital and my OB wouldn't consider an induction for those reasons before Jan 2, and I really hate pitocin and didn't want to be medically induced anyway. I had been taking evening primrose oil and drinking mother's milk tea for a couple weeks. At my 38 week appointment (Friday. Dec 27), the OB checked me and informed me I was 3 cm and 50% effaced. This was disheartening because I was that far along with my previous 2 girls at 37 weeks, and they were born 1 day late (being induced) and 1 day early (spontaneous). I was pretty convinced my little boy would be born after his due date at this point. I may have cried on my way home from my appointment that day, but by the time I got home had prayed and felt peace about the situation. Everything would work out, even if I didn't know HOW. We went to Brad's family's that evening for his cousin's wedding reception and 10 year high school reunion and had fun.
Saturday, Dec 28 we came back home and worked on cleaning the house from Christmas and making our list of things to finish before Samson was born, and sorting baby clothes we'd received from friends. that evening we decided that I would try castor oil. I had spent HOURS researching it, asking friends, reading personal stories of those who had tried it and contemplating the pros/cons. I had decided that I wouldn't even try it if I wasn't already AT LEAST 3cm and 50% effaced (funny, that's exactly what I was...); my body had to be already preparing and ready for labor to consider taking it. And I even mentally prepared myself for what many people said castor oil does-- cleans you out. a lot. I took 1 1/2 Tbsp at 3pm on Saturday, Dec 28. And waited for my date with the bathroom... and waited... and waited. Took a relaxing bath... By 12:30am, I went to bed with nothing happening.
Sunday, Dec 29 I woke up to get ready for church and thought I was having contractions. Brad recommended I time them, even though I told him they didn't feel strong, consistant, or regular, and I had no other signs of labor starting (this may be TMI for some... no loss of mucus plug, no bloody show, no water breaking, etc.). They were coming roughly 8-6 minutes apart. So we went to church and decided that if they got closer, stronger, or I had any other signs of labor, I'd call the dr. At church, if I was up and walking contractions were every 6 minutes; if I was sitting they could vary between 12-24 minutes. And they were seriously mild. Half the time I sat there wondering if I was having a contraction, or if I just had gas. A couple were stronger and distracted me (while conducting music in Primary I'd have to stop singing but I could keep conducting... the kids didn't notice, but one of the teachers did). We went home and I tried climbing stairs for a while-- contractions got to be 4 minutes apart, and then just got tired and decided to take a nap around 4pm. When I woke up, all contractions had stopped and nothing could seem to get them started again. Brad and I knew that I'd have to go into labor by the 29th to have a December baby, and well, the day was almost over. After dinner Brad somehow had talked me into trying castor oil again... something along the lines of "it didn't do anything last time so what can it hurt" and "this is the last chance; the worst that could happen is you spend some time on the toilet and don't get a baby, which you had already psyched yourself up for anyway, so what's the difference" and "it could still work... maybe." So at 7:30pm I took 2 Tbsp castor oil and waited for another date with the bathroom. We ate some of our Christmas candy, talked, planned to start our "baby prep" list in the morning. Around midnight I took an hour-long relaxing bath with essential oils. At 1am, it seemed the castor oil decided to do it's job of cleaning out my bowels. Not terrible, not pleasant, just a fact. By 1:30am I was in bed reading and hoping for contractions/waiting to see if I needed a 2nd bathroom date. I fell asleep around 2:30am after a very uneventful hour of reading.
Monday Dec 30 I woke up shortly after 4am. Not unusual... I wake up middle of the night all the time. I felt uncomfortable so I moved around. Got uncomfortable, so I moved some more. After 8-10 minutes of tossing and turning, I get up to go to the bathroom. Come back to bed and think, "are these contractions?" (remember, I'm in a sleep fog after only 1 1/2 hours of sleep...) so i try to time them, but I'm dozing off in between and keep forgetting when I had the last one until they start getting strong and I want Brad to start applying counter pressure to my back. At 4:45am I start trying to wake up Brad to rub my back; he whines about me poking him until I tell him I'm having contractions. He quickly perks up at that point and asks how often. "I don't know... every few minutes, I guess." So he grabs pen and paper to start timing. We realize by 5am that it's every 2 minutes, and they are getting pretty strong. CRUD.
Brad frantically begins throwing together the hospital bag (it had been packed, but we unpacked it on friday for spending the night at his parents' house and planned to repack that day) and a bag for the girls to stay with friends while I had the baby. He wakes the girls while I go potty before we leaving. I notice that I finally lose the mucus plug and have "bloody show" and I think-- "hey, I really might have a baby today... this means it's real labor!" (somehow strong contractions every 2 minutes didn't clue me in??? i must have been tired!) As I stood up, my water broke. (Seriously... how lucky is that?! no mess!) By 6am, everything and the girls are in the car ready to go; I'm laying on the floor of the bedroom crying and wanting Brad with me to support me through contractions but I know he can't. He's busy trying to get us to the hospital.
Brad finds me and we start downstairs to the car, at which point I tell Brad, "I don't think we'll make it to Canton. We need to go to Alliance." He says ok. We were going to drop the girls at a friend's house, but next contraction as we are pulling out of the driveway, I announce, "I think I need to push..." Brad FLOORS the gas and we start speeding to the nearest hospital (about 1.5 miles away) and calming repeating, "don't push! we're almost there." We squeal into the ER bay; Brad runs in yelling, "My wife needs to push!" and a nurse runs out with a wheelchair and rushes me to labor & delivery. The L&D nurses are madly prepping a room as I get wheeled in and they begin reminding me, "don't push, the dr is on his way. try not to push. you're doing great. keep breathing." I started crying and wondering where Brad was and wanting to push and trying not to. I just wanted Brad by my side so badly. One of the nurses let me hold her hand and was really great... but she wasn't Brad, who was about to miss the birth of his son and I felt alone and vulnerable.
Brad runs in 5 minutes later. (After I was whisked away, he parked the car and brought the girls up with him, who were missing their shoes and it was snowing. He left them in the hallway outside my door with a nurse.) He's finally holding my hand and everything seems better, though my body is starting to push and I can't stop it anymore. The dr walks in a couple minutes later, and I'm finally encouraged to push. Samson is born 2 pushes/1 contraction later at 6:30am on Monday, December 30, 2013. He weighed 7 lbs 13 oz, and was 20 inches long. His APGAR scores were 9 both times. A perfectly healthy little boy!
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