Goal: Eat three real meals today.
Journal: Compare the differences between merely eating food and eating a real meal. How does the eating experience contribute to feelings of satisfaction?
Wow. This was kinda tough. I didn't realize how routine and thoughtless me meals were. I usually wake up, feed Naomi and play with her to keep he happy and entertained. By the time it's 11am or 12noon, I realize that I'm hungry and haven't eaten anything all day. So I go for something quick and easy-- cereal. A mix of Special K Chocolaty Delight and Special K Fruit and Yogurt cereal with some 1% milk. But Since I was more hungry and trying to think about what I really wanted that "morning" i decided I wanted some extra fruit and yogurt; so I made a smoothie, too. What a difference making that smoothie did for my breakfast. It was delicious! I felt pumped enough to try doing some old workout DVDs that I hadn't used since before I got pregnant. It felt so good!
After my workout, it was a little after 2pm. I was supposed to be at work at 3pm. But I needed to wake up Naomi from her nap, feed her, take a shower after working out, and eat a lunch before work. Luckily, Brad came home right then, so he made me lunch. I asked him to make me a tuna sandwich-- lots of protein after a good workout. I did need to eat it while driving to work... but I did put thought into what i wanted and why... does that count? Sometimes it is just tough to eat a sit down meal!
When I got home, it was time to start prepping dinner before I run off to my workout class at BYU. Feed Naomi. Go workout. Come home, and finish dinner. Since Brad is studying like mad for a test, and Naomi is seriously craving attention since I've been gone for most of the last 4 hours, I eat in the living room while trying to entertain Naomi, and Brad's trying to study.
Yikes! And this describes most days. I don't think I really enjoyed my meals. Breakfast was great, but I should have eaten it sooner. I should have eaten lunch in less of a hurry, and at home instead of in the car on the way to work. And dinner would have felt better if it was on a table with the whole family there instead of spread across the house trying to get everything done. While my stomach got full from my meals, I wasn't fully satisfied except after breakfast. By the time 10pm rolled around, I was feeling hungry again, but didn't eat because of our running family biggest loser challenge. I was cranky and tired. I think if i can plan meals ahead better, the whole family could enjoy happier, more satisfying meals together. I'm going to try and be better at this.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Mindful Eating Day 3
Goal: Eat your favorite foods and get rid of restriction.
Journal: Which foods do you periodically overeat because you have subconsciously restricted them in your mind? How would allowing yourself to eat these foods in moderation allow you to truly enjoy your food?
Hrmmm, that's an interesting question. I think I've come a long way in this in the past few months even. Chocolate is probably the one the one that I overdo the most for this reason. Ice cream. Oreos.
Back in August 2010, I made a "contract" with my husband to motivate me to be healthier. One of the stipulations was that I get to have 3 desserts/sweets per week. It's really been about the perfect moderation. It's enough that I watch what i eat, but at the same time, I don't feel super restricted and crave those things all the time. if I want one, I just have to think-- do I want to use one of my dessert allowances for the week on this, or would I rather wait a day or two, or until next week? It's never a matter of "I can't have that," but rather, "do i want this now? or later?" Today I had my first dessert or the week-- chocolate covered pomegranates. I LOVE those!
It was really hard the first month or so. But now, I'm really comfortable with where I am. Allowing myself to enjoy these sweet desserts occasionally has helped me to enjoy them MORE and be healthier. It's great! When I eat formerly "restricted" foods in moderation, I can enjoy it more precisely because it isn't over-indulgence, and it doesn't leave me craving it all the time.
I've also learned to enjoy more variety in my food. I've learned that vegetables really do taste good. I like them. And fruits, too. I've tried new recipes. And some of those foods I was eating all the time, when i've gotten a craving for them and decided to eat it-- I realize that it really didn't taste as good as I remembered. Then I'm never bothered with craving it again. It's very freeing to live and eat with out total restriction, but with goals and moderation.
Journal: Which foods do you periodically overeat because you have subconsciously restricted them in your mind? How would allowing yourself to eat these foods in moderation allow you to truly enjoy your food?
Hrmmm, that's an interesting question. I think I've come a long way in this in the past few months even. Chocolate is probably the one the one that I overdo the most for this reason. Ice cream. Oreos.
Back in August 2010, I made a "contract" with my husband to motivate me to be healthier. One of the stipulations was that I get to have 3 desserts/sweets per week. It's really been about the perfect moderation. It's enough that I watch what i eat, but at the same time, I don't feel super restricted and crave those things all the time. if I want one, I just have to think-- do I want to use one of my dessert allowances for the week on this, or would I rather wait a day or two, or until next week? It's never a matter of "I can't have that," but rather, "do i want this now? or later?" Today I had my first dessert or the week-- chocolate covered pomegranates. I LOVE those!
It was really hard the first month or so. But now, I'm really comfortable with where I am. Allowing myself to enjoy these sweet desserts occasionally has helped me to enjoy them MORE and be healthier. It's great! When I eat formerly "restricted" foods in moderation, I can enjoy it more precisely because it isn't over-indulgence, and it doesn't leave me craving it all the time.
I've also learned to enjoy more variety in my food. I've learned that vegetables really do taste good. I like them. And fruits, too. I've tried new recipes. And some of those foods I was eating all the time, when i've gotten a craving for them and decided to eat it-- I realize that it really didn't taste as good as I remembered. Then I'm never bothered with craving it again. It's very freeing to live and eat with out total restriction, but with goals and moderation.
Mindful Eating Day 2
Goal: Study the Lord’s Law of Health in Doctrine and Covenents 89
Journal: How does good health affect your ability to house the Holy Ghost? How does being filled with the Holy Ghost beautify you?
I think good health affects all other aspects of your life, especially your mental and emotional health. I sometimes, okay, maybe often times, have trouble feeling good about myself because I am not considered "healthy and fit." By all measures, I am considered obese despite all efforts to be healthy through exercise and healthy eating. Since I'm not physically healthy, I spend a lot of energy thinking about how to be healthier, instead of listening to promptings of the Holy Ghost. There are things I cannot physically do because I'm not healthy which I'm sure block me from being used by the Lord to help others and receive promptings from the Holy Ghost to do so. Having a healthy body helps you to be healthy emotionally and spiritually. If we are not following the lord's commandments to have good health, then we miss out on opportunities to have the Holy Ghost with us and give us "great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures."
I want to be better following the counsel of the Word of Wisdom so that I can receive the promise that I "shall run and not be weary, and shall walk and not faint." that promise means a lot to me as a person with asthma. I have never been able to run even a half mile without needing my rescue inhaler. I hate running because of it. I had to use it today at my HIIT class after an intense cardio segment. I wish I could get rid of it, and not need it anymore. I want to have better cardiovascular health so that asthma will have less of an effect on me and not stop me from exercises. But I'm not even sure if it works that way.
When I think of the Word of Wisdom, I always remember the "No strong or hot drinks, and No tobacco" commandments. Bu there are others that I sometimes forget, like eating fruits and vegetables that are in season, and eat meat sparingly and "only in times of winter, or of cold, or famine." That would take a lot of will power and time to change. I'm working on eating fruits and vegetables in season. Being a vegetarian during summer will be much more challenging, though I have noticed in past summers that I don't really feel like eating meat when it's hot unless it's fish or chicken or turkey.
This is a quote from the WSR page from someone's journal about this same challenge and I really liked it.
Parley P. Pratt:
I think that when the Holy Ghost dwells in us, it can make us appear more beautiful because having the spirit is a beautiful thing. It fills you with light and happiness. I have been praying a lot lately that I will be blessed for my efforts to work out and develop healthier eating habits. I haven't really seen much improvement. at least by the number on my scale. But perhaps I should instead be praying for the Holy Ghost to guide me in making healthier choices and to just be able to feel the Holy Ghost in me and have thanksgiving in all things that I eat.
Actually, I think that's my new goal-- to eat with thanksgiving. Every time.
Journal: How does good health affect your ability to house the Holy Ghost? How does being filled with the Holy Ghost beautify you?
I think good health affects all other aspects of your life, especially your mental and emotional health. I sometimes, okay, maybe often times, have trouble feeling good about myself because I am not considered "healthy and fit." By all measures, I am considered obese despite all efforts to be healthy through exercise and healthy eating. Since I'm not physically healthy, I spend a lot of energy thinking about how to be healthier, instead of listening to promptings of the Holy Ghost. There are things I cannot physically do because I'm not healthy which I'm sure block me from being used by the Lord to help others and receive promptings from the Holy Ghost to do so. Having a healthy body helps you to be healthy emotionally and spiritually. If we are not following the lord's commandments to have good health, then we miss out on opportunities to have the Holy Ghost with us and give us "great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures."
I want to be better following the counsel of the Word of Wisdom so that I can receive the promise that I "shall run and not be weary, and shall walk and not faint." that promise means a lot to me as a person with asthma. I have never been able to run even a half mile without needing my rescue inhaler. I hate running because of it. I had to use it today at my HIIT class after an intense cardio segment. I wish I could get rid of it, and not need it anymore. I want to have better cardiovascular health so that asthma will have less of an effect on me and not stop me from exercises. But I'm not even sure if it works that way.
When I think of the Word of Wisdom, I always remember the "No strong or hot drinks, and No tobacco" commandments. Bu there are others that I sometimes forget, like eating fruits and vegetables that are in season, and eat meat sparingly and "only in times of winter, or of cold, or famine." That would take a lot of will power and time to change. I'm working on eating fruits and vegetables in season. Being a vegetarian during summer will be much more challenging, though I have noticed in past summers that I don't really feel like eating meat when it's hot unless it's fish or chicken or turkey.
This is a quote from the WSR page from someone's journal about this same challenge and I really liked it.
Parley P. Pratt:
“[The Holy Ghost] quickens all the intellectual faculties, increases, enlarges, expands and purifies all the natural passions and affections; and adapts them, by the gift of wisdom, to their lawful use. It inspires, develops, cultivates and matures all the fine-toned sympathies, joys, tastes, kindred feelings and affections of our nature. It inspires virtue, kindness, goodness, tenderness, gentleness and charity. It develops beauty of person, form and features. It tends to health, vigor, animation and social feeling. It invigorates all the faculties of the physical and intellectual man. It strengthens, and gives tone to the nerves. In short, it is, as it were, marrow to the bone, joy to the heart, light to the eyes, music to the ears, and life to the whole being” (Key to the Science of Theology, 9th ed. [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1965], p. 101).
I think that when the Holy Ghost dwells in us, it can make us appear more beautiful because having the spirit is a beautiful thing. It fills you with light and happiness. I have been praying a lot lately that I will be blessed for my efforts to work out and develop healthier eating habits. I haven't really seen much improvement. at least by the number on my scale. But perhaps I should instead be praying for the Holy Ghost to guide me in making healthier choices and to just be able to feel the Holy Ghost in me and have thanksgiving in all things that I eat.
Actually, I think that's my new goal-- to eat with thanksgiving. Every time.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Mindful Eating Day 1
Goal: Take the eating attitudes quiz and look over “What Kind of Eater Are You?”.
Journal: What strengths did you discover in your eating attitudes? What specific habits do you have that you want to continue? What habits do you have that you would like to change throughout A Week of Mindful Eating?
Eating Attitudes Score: 24
*A TOTAL SCORE ABOVE 20 POINTS INDICATES HEALTHY EATING ATTITUDES AND BEHAVIORS.
*A TOTAL SCORE UNDER 20 POINTS MAY INDICATE UNHEALTHY ATTITUDES AND EXTREME EATING BEHAVIORS.
My Strengths
I can stop eating when I'm full.
I have never thrown up after eating (I may have thought about it, and attempted it, but never have).
I'm definitely not "too thin."
I don't buy into fad diets.
I have lots of self-control around food. I can force myself to eat when I know I should but don't want to, and I can say no to foods I know are not good for me.
I want to continue to be able to listen to hunger cues to guide my eating. I want to continue eating 3 healthy meals each day. Skipping meals will not help me be healthier in the long-run; I want to always be able to remember that. I want to continue following the healthy habits I'm beginning to learn about and truly develop them into habits-- like drinking lots of water, eating fresh fruits and veggies everyday, and eating treats in moderation. I want to continue to be able to stop disordered eating thoughts before they lead to actions.
Where I Would Like To Improve
I would like to become less emotionally expressive in my diet. When I am upset, I tend to hate food and want to not eat or work out a ton to burn off all calories I have eaten. I want to stop being obsessed with food. I want to be able to express my unhappy feelings without wanting to throw up and think about never eating again. And I want to be happy with myself, how I look, and what I eat. Most of all, I want to be a healthy example for my daughter.
What Kind of Eater am I?
I think I'm a mix of many of these; lately I think I really resemble the "Careful Eater." Would it make sense to be an "Emotional Not-Eater"? Below are the descriptions as taken from the WSR Calendar for the Week of Mindful Eating Challenge.
Careful Eater: Appears to be the perfect eater, yet anguishes over each food morsel and its effect on the body. On the surface, this person seems health and fitness oriented, because he/she is vigilant about what is put into the body and is highly conscious of nutrition.
Unconscious Eater: This person is often unaware that she/he is eating, or how much is being eaten. To sit down and simply eat is viewed as a waste of time; eating is usually paired with another activity to be productive.
Chaotic Unconscious Eater: This person often lives an over-scheduled life--too busy, too many things to do. The chaotic eating style is haphazard--gulp ‘n go when the food is available. Chaotic eaters are often so busy putting out fires that they have difficulty identifying biological hunger until it’s fiercely ravenous.
Waste-Not Unconscious Eater:This person values the food dollar and his/her eating drive is often influenced by getting as much as you can for the money. This eater is inclined to clean the plate and is especially susceptible to all-you-can-eat buffets and free food.
Refuse-Not Unconscious Eater: This person is vulnerable to the mere presence of food regardless of whether she is hungry or full. Candy jars, food at meetings, and food on the kitchen counter will usually not be passed up by this individual.
Emotional Unconscious Eater: This person uses food to cope with emotions, especially uncomfortable emotions such as stress, anger, and loneliness. While emotional eaters view their eating as the problem, it’s often a symptom of a deeper issue. Emotional eaters can range from grabbing a candy bar in stressful times to chronic compulsive binges of vast quantities of food.
Professional Dieter: This person is perpetually dieting, often trying the latest commercial diet or diet book. Professional dieters know a lot about proportions of foods, calories, and “dieting tricks”, yet they are always
on another diet because the original never worked.
Intuitive/Mindful Eater: Intuitive eaters march to their inner hunger signals and eat whatever they choose without experiencing guilt. They honor hunger, respect fullness, and enjoy the pleasure of eating.
Journal: What strengths did you discover in your eating attitudes? What specific habits do you have that you want to continue? What habits do you have that you would like to change throughout A Week of Mindful Eating?
Eating Attitudes Score: 24
*A TOTAL SCORE ABOVE 20 POINTS INDICATES HEALTHY EATING ATTITUDES AND BEHAVIORS.
*A TOTAL SCORE UNDER 20 POINTS MAY INDICATE UNHEALTHY ATTITUDES AND EXTREME EATING BEHAVIORS.
My Strengths
I can stop eating when I'm full.
I have never thrown up after eating (I may have thought about it, and attempted it, but never have).
I'm definitely not "too thin."
I don't buy into fad diets.
I have lots of self-control around food. I can force myself to eat when I know I should but don't want to, and I can say no to foods I know are not good for me.
I want to continue to be able to listen to hunger cues to guide my eating. I want to continue eating 3 healthy meals each day. Skipping meals will not help me be healthier in the long-run; I want to always be able to remember that. I want to continue following the healthy habits I'm beginning to learn about and truly develop them into habits-- like drinking lots of water, eating fresh fruits and veggies everyday, and eating treats in moderation. I want to continue to be able to stop disordered eating thoughts before they lead to actions.
Where I Would Like To Improve
I would like to become less emotionally expressive in my diet. When I am upset, I tend to hate food and want to not eat or work out a ton to burn off all calories I have eaten. I want to stop being obsessed with food. I want to be able to express my unhappy feelings without wanting to throw up and think about never eating again. And I want to be happy with myself, how I look, and what I eat. Most of all, I want to be a healthy example for my daughter.
What Kind of Eater am I?
I think I'm a mix of many of these; lately I think I really resemble the "Careful Eater." Would it make sense to be an "Emotional Not-Eater"? Below are the descriptions as taken from the WSR Calendar for the Week of Mindful Eating Challenge.
Careful Eater: Appears to be the perfect eater, yet anguishes over each food morsel and its effect on the body. On the surface, this person seems health and fitness oriented, because he/she is vigilant about what is put into the body and is highly conscious of nutrition.
Unconscious Eater: This person is often unaware that she/he is eating, or how much is being eaten. To sit down and simply eat is viewed as a waste of time; eating is usually paired with another activity to be productive.
Chaotic Unconscious Eater: This person often lives an over-scheduled life--too busy, too many things to do. The chaotic eating style is haphazard--gulp ‘n go when the food is available. Chaotic eaters are often so busy putting out fires that they have difficulty identifying biological hunger until it’s fiercely ravenous.
Waste-Not Unconscious Eater:This person values the food dollar and his/her eating drive is often influenced by getting as much as you can for the money. This eater is inclined to clean the plate and is especially susceptible to all-you-can-eat buffets and free food.
Refuse-Not Unconscious Eater: This person is vulnerable to the mere presence of food regardless of whether she is hungry or full. Candy jars, food at meetings, and food on the kitchen counter will usually not be passed up by this individual.
Emotional Unconscious Eater: This person uses food to cope with emotions, especially uncomfortable emotions such as stress, anger, and loneliness. While emotional eaters view their eating as the problem, it’s often a symptom of a deeper issue. Emotional eaters can range from grabbing a candy bar in stressful times to chronic compulsive binges of vast quantities of food.
Professional Dieter: This person is perpetually dieting, often trying the latest commercial diet or diet book. Professional dieters know a lot about proportions of foods, calories, and “dieting tricks”, yet they are always
on another diet because the original never worked.
Intuitive/Mindful Eater: Intuitive eaters march to their inner hunger signals and eat whatever they choose without experiencing guilt. They honor hunger, respect fullness, and enjoy the pleasure of eating.
Friday, February 4, 2011
Letter of the Challenge vs. Spirit of the Challenge
In an effort to be healthier and have some fun with my in-laws, we're doing the Neeley Biggest Loser Challenge.
These are the components of my eating plan goal.
Eating Plan
1. Do not eat after 8pm
2. Do not eat more than 3 dessert per week; do not eat more than 1 dessert in a day.
3. Eat at least 1 veggie and 1 fruit per day (fresh).
4. Eat at least 3 times per day.
Looking at my goals, they all seem really good and healthy goals. But one goal in particular is becoming a challenge to keep mostly because of the times when I exercise. I go to BYU's fitness classes (it's like a gym membership, but much more affordable and at BYU instead of a gym) almost every day that they are offered. The snag is the times they are offered-- one of my favorites is HIIT (high intensity interval training), and it's held at 7:30pm-8:20pm.
I've been doing some research on exercise and what you should eat before and after exercise and how to really build muscle and lose fat. And I learned that you should eat some quick absorbing carbs for energy 30 minutes- 2 hours before doing strength training. After exercising, you should eat lots of protein and some carbohydrates to help build and repair muscle (most importantly after strength training). Here's some articles that explain it:
(the quick, simple version)http://ezinearticles.com/?Use-the-Metabolic-Window-in-Your-Quest-For-Heart-Health&id=1472353
or (the research based explination)http://www.utexas.edu/features/archive/2004/nutrition.html
My problem: one of my goals is to not eat after 8pm. I made that goal with Brad before the Neeley Challenge and before I started a more intense exercise regimen. It is a good goal, because eating late at night usually results in greater weight gain because the metabolism slows down at night. But now that I'm working out later at night, specifically the HIIT class at 7:30-8:20pm, I'm in a tough spot. I want to do the healthy thing and eat some protein and carbs to help my muscles grow and repair after working them out, but it's after 8pm.
So, I'm left with 3 options that I can see-- do I...
(1) keep the "letter of the challenge" and not eat after my HIIT class and get my 10 points for the challenge but not give my body the nutrition it needs to build and repair muscle,
(2) keep the "letter of the challenge" and eat after my HIIT class and lose my 10 points but give my body the nutrition it needs to build and repair muscle, or
(3) keep the "spirit of the challenge," which is to be healthier, and eat after my HIIT class and also give myself the points even though i technically broke one of my goals because I was doing the "healthy" thing.
What do you think I should do?
These are the components of my eating plan goal.
Eating Plan
1. Do not eat after 8pm
2. Do not eat more than 3 dessert per week; do not eat more than 1 dessert in a day.
3. Eat at least 1 veggie and 1 fruit per day (fresh).
4. Eat at least 3 times per day.
Looking at my goals, they all seem really good and healthy goals. But one goal in particular is becoming a challenge to keep mostly because of the times when I exercise. I go to BYU's fitness classes (it's like a gym membership, but much more affordable and at BYU instead of a gym) almost every day that they are offered. The snag is the times they are offered-- one of my favorites is HIIT (high intensity interval training), and it's held at 7:30pm-8:20pm.
I've been doing some research on exercise and what you should eat before and after exercise and how to really build muscle and lose fat. And I learned that you should eat some quick absorbing carbs for energy 30 minutes- 2 hours before doing strength training. After exercising, you should eat lots of protein and some carbohydrates to help build and repair muscle (most importantly after strength training). Here's some articles that explain it:
(the quick, simple version)http://ezinearticles.com/?Use-the-Metabolic-Window-in-Your-Quest-For-Heart-Health&id=1472353
or (the research based explination)http://www.utexas.edu/features/archive/2004/nutrition.html
My problem: one of my goals is to not eat after 8pm. I made that goal with Brad before the Neeley Challenge and before I started a more intense exercise regimen. It is a good goal, because eating late at night usually results in greater weight gain because the metabolism slows down at night. But now that I'm working out later at night, specifically the HIIT class at 7:30-8:20pm, I'm in a tough spot. I want to do the healthy thing and eat some protein and carbs to help my muscles grow and repair after working them out, but it's after 8pm.
So, I'm left with 3 options that I can see-- do I...
(1) keep the "letter of the challenge" and not eat after my HIIT class and get my 10 points for the challenge but not give my body the nutrition it needs to build and repair muscle,
(2) keep the "letter of the challenge" and eat after my HIIT class and lose my 10 points but give my body the nutrition it needs to build and repair muscle, or
(3) keep the "spirit of the challenge," which is to be healthier, and eat after my HIIT class and also give myself the points even though i technically broke one of my goals because I was doing the "healthy" thing.
What do you think I should do?
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Laundry Day Meets Picture Day
I'm pretty sure laundry day is munchkin's favorite day(s) of the week. She loves to help out!
Sorting the laundry. (Or trying to stand up after helping sort the laundry.)
These are dry. Let's take 'em out!
Taking a ride in the laundry basket.
Adjust some settings and clean the lint trap...
Putting the clothes in the dryer.
Make sure there's a dryer sheet!
It's ready to go, Mom!
Now it's time to get out and fold the laundry.
I have so much fun with my munchkin!
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Yummiest Cookies Ever!
at least according to me.
(picture to come after i bake some this week, so i don't have to steal a photo from someone else on the internet)
1 box duncan hines red velvet cake mix
3 large eggs
1-2 TBSP oil
mix above ingredients
add chocolate chips of your choice (i like to use a little bit of dark choc/mint chips and white choc. chips, but plain old milk/semi-sweet chips work great, too)
bake at approx. 350 degrees for roughly 8 minutes (give or take depending on the oven). cookies should be fluffy, but will flatten and become chewy as they cool off.
(picture to come after i bake some this week, so i don't have to steal a photo from someone else on the internet)
1 box duncan hines red velvet cake mix
3 large eggs
1-2 TBSP oil
mix above ingredients
add chocolate chips of your choice (i like to use a little bit of dark choc/mint chips and white choc. chips, but plain old milk/semi-sweet chips work great, too)
bake at approx. 350 degrees for roughly 8 minutes (give or take depending on the oven). cookies should be fluffy, but will flatten and become chewy as they cool off.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Reflecting on Week 1 of Neeley Biggest Loser Challenge
So, after my first week in the family challenge, I'm not the biggest loser yet. Not even close. though I stuck to my plan really well, it hasn't produced the results i'm looking for yet. then again, it's only been 1 week. so i'm gonna keep going. I'm just feeling a little frustrated right now.
I got 185 points out of a possible 195. And I GAINED 1/2 a pound. But i think i'm more upset/jealous of other members who have lost 4-6 lbs this week. Seriously? I worked out harder than ever. 6 times instead of the required 4, and for a minimum of 40 minutes or more each time. i'm eating healthier-- filling myself up with fresh fruits and veggies and water instead of unhealthy junk.
SO why does my body insist on doing the opposite of what i want it to do-- and get rid of all the unnecessary weight? part of me is thinking-- maybe i'm not eating as healthy as i should... maybe i can make a food journal for everything i eat, check my calories, stop eating meat and sugar all together. but that only leads me down a road i don't want to visit again. in high school, i developed some disordered eating habits. like only eating celery and lettuce because some one told me they have "negative calories" because it takes more calories to digest it than they contain, and working out for 2-3 hours everyday after school until the school gym closed. i'm purposefully stopping myself from writing it all down and counting calories, because i am afraid i could go back down a road that ultimately is unhealthy.
anyone have any tips on how to get my body to do what it should when i eat healthier and exercise more-- lose weight instead of starting to hoard it? i'm serious. has this happened to anyone else, or am i crazy. i'm really frustrated right now.
I got 185 points out of a possible 195. And I GAINED 1/2 a pound. But i think i'm more upset/jealous of other members who have lost 4-6 lbs this week. Seriously? I worked out harder than ever. 6 times instead of the required 4, and for a minimum of 40 minutes or more each time. i'm eating healthier-- filling myself up with fresh fruits and veggies and water instead of unhealthy junk.
SO why does my body insist on doing the opposite of what i want it to do-- and get rid of all the unnecessary weight? part of me is thinking-- maybe i'm not eating as healthy as i should... maybe i can make a food journal for everything i eat, check my calories, stop eating meat and sugar all together. but that only leads me down a road i don't want to visit again. in high school, i developed some disordered eating habits. like only eating celery and lettuce because some one told me they have "negative calories" because it takes more calories to digest it than they contain, and working out for 2-3 hours everyday after school until the school gym closed. i'm purposefully stopping myself from writing it all down and counting calories, because i am afraid i could go back down a road that ultimately is unhealthy.
anyone have any tips on how to get my body to do what it should when i eat healthier and exercise more-- lose weight instead of starting to hoard it? i'm serious. has this happened to anyone else, or am i crazy. i'm really frustrated right now.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Anti-Climatic Adventures in Hospitals
so, yesterday, I let you in on the pain I woke up with... but here's the full story.
5am: I was peacefully sleeping on my back, but wanted to roll to my side to cuddle with brad. the second i start to roll over, my lower right abdomen just kinda explodes with some of the worst pain ever, barring childbirth without an epidural. i'm only semi-conscious, so i think it's a charlie-horse in my abs (since i get these in my calves all the time when i'm asleep), so i curl up and think that if i wait a few seconds it will subside. but it doesn't. it doesn't get better or worse, the pain just stays there. i wait 1 minutes, 2 minutes, 5 minutes... it's not going away. i'm crying from the pain now, brad is freaking out and asking me a bunch of questions. he thinks it could be an ulcer and wants me to go to the bathroom to see if that will help. but i KNOW that whatever is causing my pain has nothing to do with any part of my digestive system as i understand it. i've had digestion issues before and this isn't like that. i starting crying for a blessing, so he just places his hands on my head while i'm writhing with pain on the bed and crying and gives me a blessing in the name of Jesus Christ. it helps me calm down a bit, but the pain doesn't change. i go to the bathroom-- no change in the pain. brad looks up what it might be online. i'm thinking either my muscle wall just ripped apart and my guts are spilling out and the only thing stopping them is my skin, or my ovary just exploded, or i have appendicitis. at least that's what it feel like to me; i don't know how else to explain the sheer amount of pain i was in.
every single thing brad looks up on the internet says go to the ER asap. i don't have health insurance and I hate the ER, so i tell him to go back to sleep, and if it still hurts after he gets home from class tomorrow, then we can go to urgent care. i fitfully try to go back to sleep. it's hard to breath, my (for lack of a single word to describe my lower right abdomen, i'll just say "my side") side is still in pain feeling like i was stabbed with a knife and it just keeps twisting in my gut. but eventually i must have fallen asleep because i had some of the craziest dreams ever, and a bunch of them.
8:30am: Brad wakes me up for fmaily prayer before he goes to work. my side is still in excruciating pain, but i tell him to go to work anyway, and it'll go away.
10am: i wake up to naomi crying. i get up and take a shower. it's so painful to move, to stand, to do anything.
10:30am: i get naomi out of bed. it takes all of my strength to not cry. i feed her, adn remember that i'm supposed to babysit for a friend at 11 or something around there. eat breakfast and feed naomi.
11:15am: baby girl shows up for babysitting. I'm starting to cope with the pain. it hasn't increased or decreased, but i'm getting used to it, so i don't say anything to friend. i figure i've lasted so long already, i can last until 4 when my friend will come pick her up.
12noon: brad calls, he's about to go to class, but wants to know if i need help babysitting, how i'm feeling, etc. i tell him nothing has changed, but to go to class, i can make it for 75 more minutes.
1pm: after 1 hour of trying towatch, entertain, feed, change diapers, and chase two very moblie children... the pain in my side has escalated to "i think i might be dying" proportions. i call brad in class and ask him to come home ASAP.
1:15pm: Brad comes home. I try to sit and relax, hoping the pain will subside, but we've decided that i probably need to go to the doctor, so I call my friend and see if there's a way she can get her daughter a little earlier because i need to go to the doctor. since our car is in the shop, we call some friends and find a ride to ther urgent care center.
2:30ish: i begin to lose track of time around here. we get to the BYU urgent care center, and i'm take back to a room pretty quickly. the dr feels my abs, makes me try to lay down and sit up...i start crying...dr. says that my muscles aren't engaging like they should because even when i try to lift my head while laying down, my abs should feel firm, but mine are soft. the intense pain in located in one very specific spot in my lower right abdomen-- anywhere else she could feel, but touching that spot was excruciating beyond my standard won'tt go away twisting knife in gut feeling. she orders a bood test (CBC) and urine test to test for pregnancy, and an ultrasound to test for anything abdormal with my ovary.
4:30ish: i'm told to drink about a 1/2 gallon of water in 15 minutes, and then hold it til 5:20 when the ultra sound tech is supposed to arrive. silly me, i drak it in more like 5 minutes.
5:25: i'm crying in pain. don't know if it's because i need to pee, my side, or a combination of the two. the ultrasound tech is late and i'm about to further embarrass myself by not only literally crying in the dr's office, but also wetting my pants when the u/s tech lady arrives at 5:30.
5:35pm: apparently, my bladder is too full... i have to let out "just a little bit of urine" because my bladder is so full she can't see my right ovary on the u/s. stopping midstream is one the list of things very hard to do when you really need to pee.
5:40pm: ultrasound shows everything dealing with my ovaries and uterus are normal. this mrans they are sending e to the ER to get a CT scan to check for something else. the dr thinks maybe a kidney stone, but it seems unlikely. or appendicitis, but that also seems unlikely.
6ish: we arrive at the ER and no one is in the waiting room so they take me back right away. they're all assuming appendicitis, but i'm not throwing up, so that seems odd. maybe a kidney stone, but the type and intensity and location of pain doesn't fit for a kidney stone. they start me on an IV and warn me that if it is my appendix, i'll have emergency surgey that night.
6:15ish: i go back for the CT scan. i have to have radioactive contrast put in through my IV. the first time, i guess the IV isn't in right so it leaks all over my hospital gown, and it has to be fixed. when it finally goes in, it makes me feel all warm inside. weird.
6:40pm: even weirder-- when the results come back, everything is normal. pretty much. i have a double kidney pelvis on my right kidney, and a kidney stone the size or the tip of a ball point pen in my right kidney, but the dr's don't think that has anything to do with what i'm feeling. my appendix looks happy and healthy. so they tell me to go home and take some ibuprofen or tylenol and come back in 12 hours for another scan if the pain stays the same or gets worse.
7ish: we leave, go buy 2 six-packs of jello, since i'm on a clear liquids diet until tomorrow, and then pick up munchkin from the babysitters. in fact, our good friends who were watching naomi agree to come back to our place and help take care of naomi while i just veg on the couch in pain while brad goes to bowling and hockey that night. they were wonderful.
10ish: casey puts naomi to bed and the picketts leave for the night. i try to go to sleep, but naomi wakes up after about 40 minutes. she's crying a lot and wants to get up. she knows that i'm here, she can stand up in her crib adn see around the corner into the living room, and i'm on the couch. i try to get her out of her crib, but my side is still hurting, and now i have an IV in my arm (they didn't take it out before i left because they figured i'd be back in the morning and didn't want to stick me again). i struggle to lift her with just my left arm, and put her on the floor. she continues cry until brad gets home close to midnight. he takes over so i can go to bed. i struggle to go to sleep of an hour or more because of the pain. i continue to be uncomfortable, thought the ibuprofen really helped, through out the night.
7:30am Wed: I wake up and don't feel anything. the pain is gone! we go to the hospital, they take out my IV and tell me that i don't need another scan since i feel better. we don't know what it was, but am so glad i feel better. i think it's really a miracle, and i'm so glad i didn't need surgery.
here's a happy pic to make you smile after all that drama...
5am: I was peacefully sleeping on my back, but wanted to roll to my side to cuddle with brad. the second i start to roll over, my lower right abdomen just kinda explodes with some of the worst pain ever, barring childbirth without an epidural. i'm only semi-conscious, so i think it's a charlie-horse in my abs (since i get these in my calves all the time when i'm asleep), so i curl up and think that if i wait a few seconds it will subside. but it doesn't. it doesn't get better or worse, the pain just stays there. i wait 1 minutes, 2 minutes, 5 minutes... it's not going away. i'm crying from the pain now, brad is freaking out and asking me a bunch of questions. he thinks it could be an ulcer and wants me to go to the bathroom to see if that will help. but i KNOW that whatever is causing my pain has nothing to do with any part of my digestive system as i understand it. i've had digestion issues before and this isn't like that. i starting crying for a blessing, so he just places his hands on my head while i'm writhing with pain on the bed and crying and gives me a blessing in the name of Jesus Christ. it helps me calm down a bit, but the pain doesn't change. i go to the bathroom-- no change in the pain. brad looks up what it might be online. i'm thinking either my muscle wall just ripped apart and my guts are spilling out and the only thing stopping them is my skin, or my ovary just exploded, or i have appendicitis. at least that's what it feel like to me; i don't know how else to explain the sheer amount of pain i was in.
every single thing brad looks up on the internet says go to the ER asap. i don't have health insurance and I hate the ER, so i tell him to go back to sleep, and if it still hurts after he gets home from class tomorrow, then we can go to urgent care. i fitfully try to go back to sleep. it's hard to breath, my (for lack of a single word to describe my lower right abdomen, i'll just say "my side") side is still in pain feeling like i was stabbed with a knife and it just keeps twisting in my gut. but eventually i must have fallen asleep because i had some of the craziest dreams ever, and a bunch of them.
8:30am: Brad wakes me up for fmaily prayer before he goes to work. my side is still in excruciating pain, but i tell him to go to work anyway, and it'll go away.
10am: i wake up to naomi crying. i get up and take a shower. it's so painful to move, to stand, to do anything.
10:30am: i get naomi out of bed. it takes all of my strength to not cry. i feed her, adn remember that i'm supposed to babysit for a friend at 11 or something around there. eat breakfast and feed naomi.
11:15am: baby girl shows up for babysitting. I'm starting to cope with the pain. it hasn't increased or decreased, but i'm getting used to it, so i don't say anything to friend. i figure i've lasted so long already, i can last until 4 when my friend will come pick her up.
12noon: brad calls, he's about to go to class, but wants to know if i need help babysitting, how i'm feeling, etc. i tell him nothing has changed, but to go to class, i can make it for 75 more minutes.
1pm: after 1 hour of trying towatch, entertain, feed, change diapers, and chase two very moblie children... the pain in my side has escalated to "i think i might be dying" proportions. i call brad in class and ask him to come home ASAP.
1:15pm: Brad comes home. I try to sit and relax, hoping the pain will subside, but we've decided that i probably need to go to the doctor, so I call my friend and see if there's a way she can get her daughter a little earlier because i need to go to the doctor. since our car is in the shop, we call some friends and find a ride to ther urgent care center.
2:30ish: i begin to lose track of time around here. we get to the BYU urgent care center, and i'm take back to a room pretty quickly. the dr feels my abs, makes me try to lay down and sit up...i start crying...dr. says that my muscles aren't engaging like they should because even when i try to lift my head while laying down, my abs should feel firm, but mine are soft. the intense pain in located in one very specific spot in my lower right abdomen-- anywhere else she could feel, but touching that spot was excruciating beyond my standard won'tt go away twisting knife in gut feeling. she orders a bood test (CBC) and urine test to test for pregnancy, and an ultrasound to test for anything abdormal with my ovary.
4:30ish: i'm told to drink about a 1/2 gallon of water in 15 minutes, and then hold it til 5:20 when the ultra sound tech is supposed to arrive. silly me, i drak it in more like 5 minutes.
5:25: i'm crying in pain. don't know if it's because i need to pee, my side, or a combination of the two. the ultrasound tech is late and i'm about to further embarrass myself by not only literally crying in the dr's office, but also wetting my pants when the u/s tech lady arrives at 5:30.
5:35pm: apparently, my bladder is too full... i have to let out "just a little bit of urine" because my bladder is so full she can't see my right ovary on the u/s. stopping midstream is one the list of things very hard to do when you really need to pee.
5:40pm: ultrasound shows everything dealing with my ovaries and uterus are normal. this mrans they are sending e to the ER to get a CT scan to check for something else. the dr thinks maybe a kidney stone, but it seems unlikely. or appendicitis, but that also seems unlikely.
6ish: we arrive at the ER and no one is in the waiting room so they take me back right away. they're all assuming appendicitis, but i'm not throwing up, so that seems odd. maybe a kidney stone, but the type and intensity and location of pain doesn't fit for a kidney stone. they start me on an IV and warn me that if it is my appendix, i'll have emergency surgey that night.
6:15ish: i go back for the CT scan. i have to have radioactive contrast put in through my IV. the first time, i guess the IV isn't in right so it leaks all over my hospital gown, and it has to be fixed. when it finally goes in, it makes me feel all warm inside. weird.
6:40pm: even weirder-- when the results come back, everything is normal. pretty much. i have a double kidney pelvis on my right kidney, and a kidney stone the size or the tip of a ball point pen in my right kidney, but the dr's don't think that has anything to do with what i'm feeling. my appendix looks happy and healthy. so they tell me to go home and take some ibuprofen or tylenol and come back in 12 hours for another scan if the pain stays the same or gets worse.
7ish: we leave, go buy 2 six-packs of jello, since i'm on a clear liquids diet until tomorrow, and then pick up munchkin from the babysitters. in fact, our good friends who were watching naomi agree to come back to our place and help take care of naomi while i just veg on the couch in pain while brad goes to bowling and hockey that night. they were wonderful.
10ish: casey puts naomi to bed and the picketts leave for the night. i try to go to sleep, but naomi wakes up after about 40 minutes. she's crying a lot and wants to get up. she knows that i'm here, she can stand up in her crib adn see around the corner into the living room, and i'm on the couch. i try to get her out of her crib, but my side is still hurting, and now i have an IV in my arm (they didn't take it out before i left because they figured i'd be back in the morning and didn't want to stick me again). i struggle to lift her with just my left arm, and put her on the floor. she continues cry until brad gets home close to midnight. he takes over so i can go to bed. i struggle to go to sleep of an hour or more because of the pain. i continue to be uncomfortable, thought the ibuprofen really helped, through out the night.
7:30am Wed: I wake up and don't feel anything. the pain is gone! we go to the hospital, they take out my IV and tell me that i don't need another scan since i feel better. we don't know what it was, but am so glad i feel better. i think it's really a miracle, and i'm so glad i didn't need surgery.
here's a happy pic to make you smile after all that drama...
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
wishing i had health insurance...
so, last night/this morning around 5am... I was just laying in bed on my back, adn decided i wanted to roll over onto my side and cuddle with brad... but my abs didn't like that idea.
the second I tried to roll over to my side, i felt as though I had been stabbed with a knife and it twisted in my gut. I was writhing in pain in my lower right abdomen. I kept thinking it would go away, but it wouldn't. a minute passed, two minutes, five minutes passed, and the pain was just as intense and sharp as when it first happened. I lied on the bed, crying in pain clutching my side, thinking my guts must be spilling onto the bed. it HURT. so freakin' much! on a pain scale of 1 being a mosquito bite and 10 being labor without an epidural, I gave it an 8-9.
no matter what position i got into, it was a non-stop intense pain that would not go away. Brad gave me a blessing right away. And checked online for things it could possibly be, if it was serious, etc. We couldn't find anything. That seemed to fit.
I tried going back ot sleep, but it was hard to even breath through the pain. Eventually I must have, because the next thing I remember is Brad waking me up to say family pray before he went to work this morning. My side is still hurting, but I guess it's a 6-7 on the scale now as i'm getting used to it.
i can barely pick up naomi. any movement hurts, but not moving hurts just as much. i'm not sure what it is, and there's no way to know. i don't have health insurance now because we don't have the money for-- and that obviously means we don't have the money to go see a dr without insurance. i'm hoping this is just a pulled ab muscle. has anyone ever had that before?
the second I tried to roll over to my side, i felt as though I had been stabbed with a knife and it twisted in my gut. I was writhing in pain in my lower right abdomen. I kept thinking it would go away, but it wouldn't. a minute passed, two minutes, five minutes passed, and the pain was just as intense and sharp as when it first happened. I lied on the bed, crying in pain clutching my side, thinking my guts must be spilling onto the bed. it HURT. so freakin' much! on a pain scale of 1 being a mosquito bite and 10 being labor without an epidural, I gave it an 8-9.
no matter what position i got into, it was a non-stop intense pain that would not go away. Brad gave me a blessing right away. And checked online for things it could possibly be, if it was serious, etc. We couldn't find anything. That seemed to fit.
I tried going back ot sleep, but it was hard to even breath through the pain. Eventually I must have, because the next thing I remember is Brad waking me up to say family pray before he went to work this morning. My side is still hurting, but I guess it's a 6-7 on the scale now as i'm getting used to it.
i can barely pick up naomi. any movement hurts, but not moving hurts just as much. i'm not sure what it is, and there's no way to know. i don't have health insurance now because we don't have the money for-- and that obviously means we don't have the money to go see a dr without insurance. i'm hoping this is just a pulled ab muscle. has anyone ever had that before?
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