Attack of the Exploding Diaper!

it started out as any normal day ( a great day, in fact, for having a newborn baby because naomi had just slept nearly 7 hours through the night). but little did mommy know that her arch enemy-- the poopy diaper-- was preparing a deadly assault.

approximately 1500 hours and 15 minutes: mommy noticed that baby's diaper was dirty and decided to change it. nothing out of the ordinary.
3:17pm: mommy places a clean diaper under the dirty one. mommy opens the dirty diaper. wet. poopy, moderatly full. no signs of diaper rash.
3:18pm: mommy grabs a baby wipe and proceeds to clean the soiled area.
3:19pm: mommy removes the dirty diaper and wraps it up in preparation for disposal.3:19pm: ATTACK!!! a stream of icky yellow baby poop launches itself out of naomi's baby bum, across 5-6 inches of changing table and another 6 inches of carpet and lands on mommy's tummy and runs down her pants.
3:20pm: mommy rapidly tries to clean the carpet to prevent baby poop stains. calls daddy for backup-- no answer. distress message left.
3:21pm: mommy stands up to see a fountain of pee raising 2 inches into the air before drenching the baby changing table and everything on it.
3:22pm: mommy sets up the baby bath tub. fill with water. call daddy again. no answer.

3:25pm: mommy wipes off baby's entire lower-half with baby wipes. wrap baby in a towel. put baby in baby bathtub. ATTACK!!! baby towel is hit!
3:26pm: call daddy for backup; still no answer. call BYU-info, ask for the number for the secretary at daddy's work. ask secretary to retrieve daddy from the basement and send him home, mommy needs emergency backup!

3:28pm: call Grammsie-- "come back to utah! I need your help!"
3:29pm: ATTACK!!! yellow baby poop begins to boil up and over baby's legs while she's still in the babytub. "Grammsie, I REALLY need your help now! Can't you teleport to utah and save me?!"
3:30pm: turn on kitchen faucet, rinse baby in sink. be careful not to drop crying baby as she thrashes about.
3:33pm: wrap baby in daddy's towel. put on clean diaper. swaddle in baby blanket.
3:34pm: daddy arrives at home to a happy and smiling baby, but a very poop-covered wife, bedroom, and kitchen.